Once I got out of the Airbnb in Prague and looked around at the familiar painted houses in Vinohrady it hit me. What the fuck am I doing here? A bit of shock, horror and a small fleeting moment where my mind rejected the whole idea.
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // Visions
Here I am, taking hormones for IVF 2.0. Preparing my body for a frozen embryo transfer next week wondering what will happen. Will I get pregnant? Will I encounter a moment that my mind and body can’t handle? Will I know how to get unstuck? Will I ever be the Suzanne I recognize again? Betsy described a way to be hopeful to me that I visualized this way:
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // PTSD
This post makes so much sense to me. My friend Betsy whose husband died one night without warning while they were sleeping said she felt like a fraud to have PTSD since it's usually associated with people returning from war. It made me feel like I don't have to feel like a fraud for having post-IVF PTSD, and even though there are tons of hormones involved I guess this pain does belong to me. I'm hoping this realization will help me to get to the other side and the acknowledgment will give it permission to leave.
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // Duplicity
My heart skipped Fall. All of this traveling has confused my inner season clock. Like so many parts of me, I am searching for a true north that I can’t quite find.
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