I was taking an online painting class with Katie Ruiz last week and she said she cried the first time she saw a Munch painting in person. The first time I saw Birth of Venus by Botticelli at the Uffizzi in Florence, Italy I wept as well. I was in my early twenties and I rarely ever shed a tear. Venus was so beautiful, but I also couldn’t believe that I somehow had arranged my life in a way that allowed me to be standing in front of it. A great master painted this, the world has worshipped it, and here I was a part of the world’s collective story of beauty. Standing there with my heart in my throat feeling like I have stood where my people have stood.
Read moreFertility Journey : A year later...
I feel sad that I don't post more on here. I'm always looking for some kind of concise thought or how I really feel about things and I can never hold on to it long enough to actually get it into squarespace. There is so much I feel from one week to the next. I don't know how to hit publish anymore. I have so many entries that exist only in my paper journal and not publicly. I hope I start sharing again, I hope I share this.
Read moreIVF 3.0 : Not this time either
“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” — Lao Tzu
It's complicated but our lives are still beautiful. IVF didn't turn out the way we dreamed. We are not pregnant. In some ways it's as simple as that. I don't want a big story about it. We tried. It just didn't work. Our hearts didn't change. We still want to be parents. Mike and I have had weeks together in Europe trying to will this dream into existence. We had a week with Jake Washington at home waiting while every pregnancy test was negative.
Fertility Vacation 3.0 // slowing down and following Mike
My world has been colorful buildings along the river, a blank winter’s sky, and Mike.
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