Tomorrow is the big day. Beautiful pregnant women are flooding the streets around me and kids are everywhere we go. It’s often drizzling outside, but the trees are alight with color. I can’t believe this sudden change in me. I feel 180 degrees different.
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // RTT Therapy - Releasing Childhood Fears
In 48 hours we will transfer the embryos and I want to be in the best place possible. Our dreams could come true. Maybe two days from now something beautiful will happen. During RTT therapy last night, I delved into my subconscious beliefs that I had created as a child about how the world isn’t a safe place for babies, and babies somehow hurt their moms during pregnancy.
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // Portugal in Real Life
Last night my brother called me. It’s been a long story, but the call ended in tears with me alone, several floors up, crying on my bed in the sad, wailing kind of way that a mom mourns her child. In between my crying out, I happened to look out the window of my Airbnb at an old beautiful apartment and realized how similar the view looked to my hypnotized past self. I was a similar age and feeling a devastating pain.
Read moreFertility Vacation 2.0 // Hypnosis
During one my hypnosis sessions I was asked to visit one of my past lives. What I saw was myself back in time maybe 100 years ago, living in a coastal city in Portugal. I live alone. I do chores and kind of go through the motions and my life seems sad and lonely. My past self offers some advice. Alone is not better. It just seems safer, but in the long run, you are alone. I imagined her sadness and the loss of not being able to connect with other people to be stuck alone in your own head. I also had this other flash from a movie or the idea of the sound a mother makes when they lose their child - a wailing, a total heartbreak. A horrible sound.
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